A burglar breaks into a house one night . . .

He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, ‘Jesus is watching you.’

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.

‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’

The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh?

Who in the world are you?’

‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed.
‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’

‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

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Fried Chicken

Miss Lisa, our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t

funny, but she couldn’t have been right because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told

my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love

animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too.

Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken.

She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make

them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to

do it any more.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today,

my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders”.

Guess where I my little ass is now…….?

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Level of Stress

t’s the Level of Stress.

You  pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl.  Suddenly she faints inside  your

car and you take her to  hospital.

Now that’s  stressful.

 

But  at the hospital, they say she is pregnant & congratulate you that  you are  going to be a father.

You say that you are not the  father, but the girl says you are.

This is getting very stressful.

 

So  then…… you request a DNA test to prove that you are not the  father.

After  the tests are completed, the doctor says that you are infertile,  and probably have been since birth.  You are  extremely  stressed but  relieved.

 

On  your way back home, you think about your 3 kids at home.

NOW THAT’S REAL  STRESS!!

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